Subscribe:

Pages

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

New Chapters.

I want to write so desperately, but the truth of the matter is that all my thoughts are dripping with metaphors that leave me nauseas, and I’d rather spare you the gruesome hyperbole floating around my dramatic little brain.

I haven’t written in ages.

I don’t know if you can understand this, but when I write…I put my heart on the page. Every word, every thought…it’s just raw, unadulterated ramblings of a crazy person. I don’t edit. I don’t re-work these to make them sound prettier or more enticing.

I simply put down what’s going through my head.

Sometimes that’s hard. Sometimes that involves saying things that I’m scared to say or that may come off harsh…

But I am so tired of letting all the sharp edges of these words make dents in my head as I walk from one colorless activity to the next.

I just ended a chapter in my life. Five years fighting my way through conservatory. Five years of blood, sweat and tears…and that’s not a cliché. I’ve literally cut myself in movement classes, sweat bullets in African dance and cried in…well, just about every class I’ve ever taken at The Theatre School. I worked my butt off to walk on a stage to receive an incredibly expensive piece of paper that proves I may or may not know how to act.’

I just ended a chapter where my heart was broken by a boy I thought I would one day marry. I just ended a chapter where I deleted a friend of six years because I realized how toxic he was to my health.  I just ended a chapter in my life where… I truly couldn’t tell you who will stick around and who will disappear.

I guess time will tell.

But, honestly? As terrified as I am…As much as I cried on Saturday night when the high of graduation came crashing down and I realized that I have no idea what the hell I’m doing with my life…I know I’m prepared for whatever God brings.

And I’m so thrilled.

What? I can be thrilled and weeping at the same time, right?

So, here’s to the next chapter. Whatever you may bring, I’m gonna conquer it.