Thursday, June 7, 2012

A time for change.

Life is chaotic.

It doesn't stop or slow down when you need it to. Likewise, when you wish things would pick up, more often than not, it will stay at the pace it's going.

Essentially, life is constantly teaching us to calm down and enjoy the moment.

For the past four months, I struggled big time with just 'enjoying the moment'. I felt alone, I felt let down, I felt lost...

But here I am.

I just finished my fourth year of college. I'm about to enter my fifth year as a senior in a top Acting conservatory program. I'm exhausted. I'm confused. I'm excited.

I'm depressed. 

I'm really mostly worried about my future, and what the heck I'm doing with my life. I don't want to feel this way. I used to have daydreams and hopes and things that I was excited about...but lately they've all be replaced with questions. Where will this lead? Am I any good? Is this what God wants me to do? Am I happy? Do I like the people I'm around? Do they make me a better person? ...and all the while I'm just trying to replace those fears and questions with a sense of new born wonder.

I try to wonder what will come. Instead of freaking out, I wonder who will stick around and who will disappear. I wonder who reads this and actually thinks I'm any good at writing.

I'm leaving for Lourdes, France tomorrow to volunteer at a very important Catholic religious pilgrimage site. I'll be helping people into bathes of what is said to be healing waters. Millions of people have come, thousands have witnessed miracles and even more have left with melted hearts.

I won't lie, I've been back and forth about how I feel with being thrown abroad to serve people I don't know from a hole in the wall, who I'm sure are on a lot firmer terra than I am concerning their lives. But the door has opened and I'm choosing to run through it.

My bags are packed. My heart is open. My life is about to change for the better.

I crave peace.

Spiritual awakening, here I come.


  1. You're in for a surprise! God is to be found in France. I know, I met Him there once. :)